Sunday, 3 August 2008

Sunday outing

Went for tea with Jayce and Han at Universal cafe (again!) at 1pm. Were updating each other and realised that Jayce is attached now but her relationship isn't stable. She was mentioning what's her relationship problem and i found out that we both have almost the same problems. Yet, we both are dragging our relationship. But at least i'm trying to forget him, try to adapt my life without him. I guess I really should have gathered and hang out more with friends.

After tea, went to Bandar with Han just to cure our boredom. Kinda relaxed and enjoyed. Passed by his house as usual just now I tend to see if he's at home. Didn't see his car so i pressume he's out for basketball again.

Well, don't wanna think much now. Just gonna catch up my favorite Gallen's series later. Thats the only thing that can make me smile for the moment. Love Gallen to the max. Cute. <3

Hoon @ 8.30pm

Saturday, 2 August 2008

After Tea

Went for tea at Universal Cafe just now with my buddies. It was a good one. Enjoyed the moment. We're always a happy bunch whenever we hang out. Talk whatever we want, do whatever we want like there are no others around. Perhaps, more of these hang outs can make me feel happy and relax.
On my way home just now, i saw him passed by. Guess he was on his way to Kg. Baru for basketball. And, nope, don't think he saw me. Got the urge to message him. But i told myself, Hoon, please don't. Please don't continue these kind of actions where in the end the same problems will arise again. Just like a ball or circle where my problems rotate and rotate like a circle and no way out.
I sometimes also don't know what am i thinking. I'm supposed i don't have feelings towards him anymore but whenever i'm alone i tend to think of him. Guess its the loneliness. It must be! Don't continue a problematic relationship for the sake of having a relationship and fear of loneliness. There are many other things awaiting for me to do. Life goes on. But yet, i'm confused.
I also dunno what am i writing about. Crap, all crap!

My first ever blog

This is my first ever blog i've created. Never thought of having one before as i'm just plain lazy. The purpose this time is to write out what my feeling which sometimes i have difficulty in expressing out to others.

Well, yesterday 01.08.08, marked the end of my 4 years relationship with him. To be precised, its a week to 4 years. We started going out on 07.08.04. We actually have been on and off ever since we've been together and most of my friends know about it. And some of my friends are even surprised that I can actually survive in this relationship for such a long time. I'm not saying he ain't good. Let's put it this way. We just have different interest, characters, attitudes, topics and sadly the only common thing we share is our stubborn atttitude. Both are stubborn and never wanna give in. Perhaps, all this while to him, i never wanna lose. But i actually did give in. It's just that he never even realise it.

I find it now its actually good to write my feelings in this blog as i can just write out (as in voice out) my unhappiness and whatever i feel like saying here. You can say i'm an ego person or something like that. I find it difficult to tell people my feelings, my sadness. To some, i'm a happy-go-lucky crazy person but deep down in my heart, i can be a depress queen. Sometimes in the middle of the night, i'd wake up and find it difficult to sleep back whenever i had argument with him before. Not only that, when i was on my way to work, in my car journey, i tend to think a lot and out of nowhere, my tears fell like river flow. This feeling is really torturing me. When he is not with me, i miss him but when he is with me, we start to argue due to many consequences. It can range from a very minor problem to major ones. I couldn't stand, i just couldn't. Im sick of it. But yet, i couldn't make up decision of ending the relationship. This time i hope i can be strong, i hope i can! Its for the benefit of both of us. Our relationship is just not gonna work anymore as we have too much problems that couldn't be solved. I just hope day by day, i'll feel better and get use to it for not having with me now.
Anyway, i hope the best of him. And to myself, Cheer up Hoon. Stop being a depressed queen.

Hoon @ 2.23pm